According to Sami Sue..

Roughly once every couple weeks Greg and I will decide that we are both exhausted and flip a coin as to who is going to go get something for dinner. Okay, that's a lie, Greg normally goes...Anyway, tonight was one of those nights. Sami frequently has to go with him. I'm not sure why, maybe she thinks he'll run away to Mexico if she doesn't ensure his return. If I could run away to Mexico, I would too. Just saying. Car rides are a great time, simply because Sami comes up with some of her best quotes in the car. Tonight, they went to KFC (what, like you never eat fast food? give me a break.). They were sitting at the window, and our KFC is notorious for the long wait for food (we're quite sure they have to kill the chicken out back before they can grill it for us.). Sami says to her daddy, "They sure are taking a long time to get us our food!" Classic Sami.

A few minutes later...
On the ride home (after they had secured my chicken in the front seat), Greg saw some deer in a field, and pointed them out to her. "Where do the deer live?"
"Um, they live all over."
"But WHERE Dad."
"Um, in the woods?!"
"Oh, down there, in the trees!" There are some trees near the river. This is of course, the woods.

A little later, back at home...
Our half the duplex is, admittedly, awkwardly set up. The girls' bedroom is in the very far back, you have to pass our bedroom and the bathroom to get to it. They are adjacent from each other and you have to pass through a hallway. Tonight while Sami was brushing her teeth, Greg put Becca down in her crib in our room. (Don't judge me. At 1:30am then again at 3:30 am, I have to wake up to feed the chubby baby. Yes. Really.) Becca fussed a bit, and hollered a bit. Sami says, "Gosh she's loud. Dad, maybe Becca wants a Binky or something."

Yep. These are indeed quotes from my 2 year old. She also told her baby doll yesterday, "You are not listening to me. You sit in time out." Then explained to me that her baby was mad at her, and that it was not good behavior, and therefore the poor baby still had to sit in time out. She also will yell at Becca if she cries, "Becca! Stop crying! You're making me cry!" Then will proceed to squeak out a couple tears and get herself to choke up. If that doesn't work, she just sings "Itsy Bitsy Spider" about 5 (it seems more like 500) times and Becca will reluctantly stop crying.

She's a smart cookie, I tell you. And, I love her sayings. They make me laugh.

um, September, where did you go?

Changing jobs has really thrown me through a loop. I'm pretty sure I missed September entirely.

At this point Sami is climbing towards 3 at a rapid pace, although I'm not sure she'll make it being that she's pretty trying right now. She is incredibly bright, and I'm worried that she'll outwit me every day (she does already pretty frequently). Her current interests include but are not limited to: Asking to drive the car, telling me "no" without fear of consequences, and trying to hold/boss around her baby sister. These are just the things she did this morning.

She loves to sing. Infact, she'll sing everything. Her current favorite that she's trying to learn is "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Apparently striking out is the best part of that song. And the Cracker Jacks. She also really likes "Old McDonald", and thinks it's hilarious to make Old McDonald have a donkey, so I'll try to sound like a donkey. Yep. That's my kid. And what's more, she'll make you sing things over, and over, and over, until you decide that's enough, and switch the song. Which she'll make you repeat again and again. She's bossy, demanding, bright and independent. Hmm...I wonder where she gets all that from?

Becca is not crawling. She's mobile by rolling all over the place, but she's not crawling. Which is fine by me, but she would like to crawl. I can see in her eyes that she would really like to launch herself from the sitting position into the hands and knees crawling position, so that she can chase after he sister, but, as of yet, hasn't done it. She also weighs about 19lbs, and I'm guessing it takes a lot of strength to get that that much weight off the ground and moving. And when she does get moving, I really think Sami will be in more trouble than me, for the simple fact that her sister will want to sit on her.

She's very smiley. Her laughter is infectious, although she doesn't laugh very often. When she finds something funny, it's pretty cute though. So far, we can tell that she thinks beating up daddy is pretty funny. Twice, she's cracked up laughing when pretending to "hit" daddy with her fist. Yesterday, she laughed when daddy had Sami's stuffed Barney hit him in the face. This, of course, is very funny to me.

Both girls really like sports. Sami is very into watching her cousins play volleyball. She told daddy once, "Get out of the way, I'm watching the ball". Which, of course, bodes well for my dreams of an athletic scholarship at a big name college so that I'm not in debt for the rest of my life so that my kid can get a decent education. Speaking of that, we've recently found that Sami is a big Oregon Ducks fan. No, I'm serious. It's a "tradition" in my house to watch College Game Day on ESPN, and she REALLY likes the Ducks. I know you think that can't be possible, like she wouldn't be able to tell different teams apart, but she loves the mascot, the uniforms, and their colors. Plus, she picks them to win over any other animal mascot (including my Rams. Great for her, sad for me). She likes Ducks.

Becca likes baseball. I'm not sure why, but she really does. Or seems to. I don't know if any of you know this, but when Sami was a baby she really liked to "watch" basketball on TV (or in the gym) She would be fussy and I'd turn on a basketball game, and she'd calm down (she went to her first basketball game at 8 days old). To this day, her favorite sport to watch is basketball. This is how Becca is with baseball or when her daddy plays softball. It's odd, but true. My girls love sports.

As much as she loves sports, she's still pretty girly though. Right now, she's doing her daddy's hair and making him "pretty". I don't know if he'll ever admit it, but Greg's a total princess. He's glad he had girls, I can tell. Until next time...ciao.

Opening a New Chapter

Well, I guess sometimes you don't have to have a huge topic to talk about to write an entry. There's probably much to discuss about the kids, but time goes so fast, I hardly remember what happened five minutes ago, let alone all the quirky and funny things that go on from day-to-day.

So, what's new?! Lots. I'm sure there's lots. But newest for my life is that I've decided to change careers! Yes. It's true. I'll no longer be working for Alpine Bank. Although, I do love the company, believe in them whole-heartidly, I've decided I'm not cut out to be a banker forever. Sad. I know. Friday, the 2nd of September, will be my last day. So, if you're that devastated that I will no longer be taking the everyday transactions and opening accounts, you should come see me before then.

On to different things! I will start with All Kids Dental on September 06. I'm switching careers to become a Dental Assistant. This is an amazing opportunity for me for so many reasons. I'll be working with children; it's something that interests me; the days I'll be working are different so that I can be with my family more. It's just an all around amazing thing. Total answer to my prayers. I'm very grateful for the whole thing happening this way. I'm definitely nervous. There is a lot I don't know. Ok, so I don't know anything about dental assisting. But, I'm willing and eager to learn.

So, don't cry for me Alpine Bank-a. I'll always love you. And I'm thankful for what you've done for me. But, it's time to close that chapter and open an exciting new one!

As always, thanks for reading. I'll try to tell a funny story about the kids next time. Until then, ciao.

I Am

In the effort of continuing to write more often, I am back to write about who I really am...or portions of me anyway...

I am...married.
Yes, I'm sure that's quite the shocker, but it's true. Married. Which, lately, is an emotional roller-coaster. Right now, we are on the not-so-fun side of this roller-coaster. So, to me, that means that I found someone who is the calm to my complete chaos. He lets me babble about all sorts of junk--like what book I'm currently reading or what type of recipe I'd like to try if I ever got on Chopped. Marriage is more than that though. It also means commitment. Committing to be there for the person you chose. Committing to not chase after others, even when it is tempting and thrilling.

I am a mother...and motherless
You all know this about me. But what's hardest about being a mom, to me, is being a mom without my mom. I have amazing women in my life who really help me out when I need that mother figure. No doubt. But, forgive me, some days, I just need my momma. I want to hug her neck and tell her how crazy the past four years have been since she left. I'm sure she knows this though, and I firmly believe she frequents my house. I know she knows my children. I just wish they could know her. That poses a challenge for me.

I am...not fearless.
As a mom I get to play Super Woman all day long. Making it seem like I have no fears. I'll tell my girls this someday, but, I am NOT fearless. I pray every day that when I get into my car, I make it home safely. I pray that my kids stay healthy and happy. I have major fears. Mostly that I'll have to fend off some evil monster in the closet, or worse yet, that my mistakes will cost me my children. Another fear: snakes. I hate snakes.

I am...open-minded.
Some might call this "liberal". I'd agree for the most part. Personally, I just like to say that I'm open to all things. Well, most things. Maybe not sky diving. Or snakes. But really, I'm open to change. I'll even change my mind if you can prove to me a better solution. I like that about myself. I think that's one of my best features. Being open-minded means I'm good with most solutions. I'm less open-minded if you shove things down my throat. But all-in-all, I like to shed my skin and move on. Change can be, and usually is, good. Just have to be open to it.

PrompTuesday

So...since it's been, I don't know, AGES, since I've written, a good friend of mine suggested that I take a PrompTuesday from sandiegomomma.com and do it. It will be cathartic and maybe remove my writer's block.


Here's the prompt I chose...and READY, SET, GO!


I want to know about your songs. What brings you back to a pivotal moment? Or an everyday moment you’ll remember forever? Tell me a drop of your life as crystallized by a Top 40 hit, a Broadway number, a dirge.


My mom was a music officianado. She was always disappointed in my lack of music appreciation. I sort of like to think I'm well-rounded in the musical-ness of my life. I listen to about anything and everything. Of course, when I was a teenager, I listened to it LOUDLY in my bedroom, on my awe-some boombox. She tried to really influence me by tossing in "her type" of music when we'd clean the house, especially when I'd do the dishes with her.


The song that takes me back to my kitchen is Tears For Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." Yes. It's VERY '80s. It also is VERY my life. My mom and I would do the dishes together and typically sing at the top of our lungs, badly at that. All while my younger brother hid in shame, and my step-dad would have nothing to do with us. One evening while she was trying to change my opinion of music, she threw in her Tears For Fears cd. I actually like Tears for Fears a great deal. We were rocking out, and wearing our oh-so-stylish yellow, elbow-length gloves, when she grabbed a wooden spoon and started dancing. Not being one to let her act a fool all by herself I joined in. I only wish someone would've been there to video it and put it on You Tube. Yep, we were THAT good.

This is one of my absolute favorite memories of my mom. In that three and a half minutes she was not a cancer patient. She didn't have a terminal diagnosis. She was just a mom. A mom enjoying a moment with her 21 year old daughter. Singing and dancing was her way of telling me I'd be ok. It was entirely blissful. The song still graces my iTunes library, and I have put it on any memorable mix of tunes since before she passed in 2007.

Recently I've been playing tunes for my daughters. I think Mom would be pretty thrilled with my not-so-average music choices. Of course there is Raffy (who I listened to frequently as a young child, thanks again, MOM), but I also throw on some more unusual things. I like to embarass my daughter by dancing around to artists like Michael Jackson, Arethra Franklin, Todd Rundgren, Stevie Wonder, and of course Tears for Fears. Sami frequently looks at me like I've gone completely bananas, but she usually decides to not let me act a fool all by myself, and joins in. She is after all, her Grandma's girl.

what did you learn?

I admit, I sometimes feel that I was a little young to start a family. Not measured in life-experience mind you, just in years. I FINALLY have friends (that I knew before I had kids) who will now understand why I live off coffee and peanut butter. But I want to also mention that having babies is not an easy job. Or is it always easy to get pregnant.

Sure there are lots of women who have no idea HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! I'm not one of them. Technically. I mean, I did take Health and Biology, and I had a pretty hippy mom who was REALLY open about sex and such. What I didn't know was that it was all a LIE. Ok, so, high school health taught me that if you have sex several things will happen: mostly that you'll get pregnant, an STD and DIE. Besides those really scary things, I went to a small high school. I wasn't about to have everyone I knew all up in my business.

What I mean about this whole "LIE" that I was taught was that they said it was easy to get pregnant. That's a bunch of BS if I've ever heard it. It is a hell-of-a-lot more complicated than that. Did you know that any given month, if all your ducks are in a row, you've only got about a 20% of getting pregnant? And if you're older, it's less than that, and if you're younger it's about a 25% chance.

This brings me to my pregnancies. Sami was one of those, we had sex ONCE that month and got pregnant, whoops, pregnancies. I'll admit, it was more than a little shocking. Once?! I mean, really?! Fine. I raise my hand and say we weren't doing EVERYTHING we could to protect against getting pregnant, but ONCE?! That's when that whole LIE about how easy it is to get pregnant totally bit me in the butt. On the other hand, getting pregnant with Rebecca took all the faith I had, all the strength I had, and all the luck in the world. I'm not kidding when I say we tried for 8 months to get pregnant. I was at the end of my rope, then all of a sudden, the stars aligned and it happened. I guess like the stars aligned when I got pregnant with Sam. Only this time, I truly understood what it meant to eat, sleep, breath trying to conceive.

I have a few friends who are pregnant right now (oh right, I mentioned that). But I also have a few friends who are NOT pregnant right now. Not because they don't want to be. They desperately do. They desperately want to get pregnant, but not only that, they want to actually hold a baby in their arms and raise it. Many of them have suffered miscarriages. Which, in itself is devastating, but the fact that they've gotten pregnant, only to have it end in heartbreak, makes the desire for a child just that much more urgent. It humbles me that these women are still my friends. I always feel so lucky that they don't hate me for having the one thing they desire most. I'm grateful for all my friends, but for those that don't have babies or who are having trouble getting pregnant, I have a special place in my heart. And I have a 2.5yr old for sale if you're interested. She's almost housebroken and very smart. ;)

Who makes the rules? Hint: it's NOT me.

Becca is at this stage right now where she doesn't want to be put down. She's totally content to sit on your lap and just hang out, but don't you dare try to set her in the bouncy seat, swing, on the playmat or *gasp* the pack-n-play. Needless to say, it makes it very difficult to get anything done.

It makes it very difficult for me especially because when it's just me around I'm the one who has to hold her. (DUH!) Cuz, you know, it's me, with the boobs. Because she's breastfed (wahoo! go us! *does happy dance*) every time I hold her, she does this thing, like she's an open-mouthed trout. She bobs up and down, opens her little mouth and moves in the direction of the boobs. It makes it especially difficult if I'm trying to rock her to sleep.

Sami took a binky from, like, day one. She sucked on that thing all day, all night, all the time. She loves her binky. Yes, present tense. We are currently trying to get her to give up the addiction, but the binky habit is REALLY hard to break, like crack. Especially when you have an enabler, *ahem* daddy. However, Rebecca will NOT take the binky in most cases. So, in order to soothe Little Miss Picky Pants, it's either give her the boob or let her suffer and cry. It's created quite the dilemma for me. It's not like she's hungry when she's crying like this either. She just doesn't want to be put down.

We spent hours last night trying to get her to just sleep for goodness' sake. I finally resorted to the boob, and nursing her lying down, in my bed. She fell asleep. I scooped her up and tried to put her in the dreaded pack-n-play in our bedroom. She's supposed to sleep there, most of the time she sleeps there for all of half-an-hour, then she's back in our bed; still it's better than nothing. Last night, this plan back-fired. And we were back to square one. Then her daddy comes home.

Daddy is like, The Baby Whisperer. He puts that baby to sleep so quickly it amazes me. Most nights. Last night was no exception. He rocked her for all of .5 seconds, and she was asleep. I warned him though that she wasn't in the mood to be put down. He laughed at me and tried to set her in the swing. Then I hear obsenities. She was NOT in the mood. This continued for like 20 minutes before I gave in, said, "Here I'll take her" and gave her the boob again, in my bed.

It went on like this for a while. I'd "soothe" her by giving her the boob, she'd fall asleep for a while, I'd try to move her, it wouldn't work. Finally, I had given up. I went back to putting her in a tight swaddle and rocking her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I was exhausted. She was exhausted. She gave in and fell asleep, and then stayed there in her pack-n-play. I dropped off to sleep roughly at 10:30pm.

At 11:30, she woke up, and it was surprisingly to actually eat, not just be soothed.. So, we started all over again...Today--I'm tired. So. Very. Tired.

Don't Judge A Butt By It's Cover

I hate snap judgements or knee-jerk reactions. Simply because you might have very little knowledge about something, doesn't make it ok to judge people for their choices. This is true for politics, religion and (what I've come to find out) cloth diapering.

I believe in being open minded. Now, before you freak out, there is way more to the story than those little words: CLOTH DIAPERS. I'll admit, when I had Samantha, I was pretty main-stream. I didn't have much of a philosophy on birth-plans or diapers. I knew I wanted to breast-feed, but unfortunately that lasted only a few weeks because of her "failure to thrive" (not gaining weight very steadily). Anyway, I didn't know there were options, and I was ok with that. Truly, I was. Until Sami got a nasty diaper rash. WORST. THING. EVER. I mean, NOTHING cleared it up. No creams, no oatmeal bath, no magic wand could clear up the rash. Sami was my "trial and error" baby. I tried and tried and tried. The only thing that cleared up that stupid rash was a type of cloth diaper. She got it right back when we put her in normal, name-brand, disposable diapers. But because of my reluctance to keep using cloth (everyone I knew was against it), I ended up using more expensive chlorine-free, dye-free, hella-expensive disposable diapers.

When I got pregnant again a friend of mine said that for her babies she would really like to do cloth diapers. I was like most people, "EWWW gross!" or "That must be soooo much work!" but instead of shutting it out completely I decided to do some serious research. Because of my sensitive-skin and my horrid experience with diapering Sami, I thought there HAD to be a solution. I talked to many of my mom friends. They told me it was easy. Then they started throwing out types of diapers they liked. There must be a million different types of cloth diapers. All-In-Ones, All-In-Twos, Flats, Fitteds, Pre-folds, Pockets. I mean really, there is a million types. The amount of information out there was sort of overwhelming, but the more I read, the easier it became to swallow that it was indeed do-able.

I made my first purchase very cautiously $100 for 16 All-In-One, excellent used condition cloth diapers, that I bought from a friend in a mommy group of mine. When I got them, I opened the box and did a little cheer. I really could do this! After that first purchase, I made a few more "necessity" purchases of soap and a wet-bag. For the first month of her life, Rebecca was in disposable. More out of needing to learn her schedule and thinking that these diapers might just be a little too big. Oh, and because I was nervous. What if they leaked? What if they are really not something I could handle? One Monday though, I decided, no more and put her in the cloth. GO ME!

I've never looked back! Instead, I made more cloth investments. I now have a "stash" of about 40 diapers (and I'm DAMN proud of it). Just ONE of my cloth diapers costs about $15, or is equal to 68 disposable diapers (at $.22/diaper). I've bought my diapers all at discounts, but have spent roughly $300 on them. With that in mind: suck up these facts. A child will go through 6000 diaper changes in the first two years of life. Instead of sending 6000 diapers to the trash, to sit in a landfill for the next 500 years, my 40 diapers can go from birth to potty training. Also, at $.22/diaper I'm saving myself $1300 (if I don't invest in any more cloth) over Rebecca's diapering years. YES $1300. Amazing?! I think so. Personally, the choice to use cloth was more about better for baby (no chemicals) and better for my wallet in the long run with the "better for the Earth" argument coming in as a bonus.

Do people judge me? ALL THE TIME. But here is the simple truth: she's my child, it's my money, and I do all the "work". My daycare provider even says, "It's so easy! They are just as easy as disposable! Maybe easier since there's less trash for me!" I love my "fluff" and not only has it been a great experience to learn about them, but it's also been a great lesson: don't judge a butt by it's cover.

Dammit Mom

Somedays, I admit, I feel that life just plain sucks. I think we all feel that way sometimes. No matter what we're going through, we each have struggles that make it hard to get up in the morning. I've had a lot of those days in my life.

Recently (like maybe 3 weeks ago?) my mother's brother, my Uncle Dave, was diagnosed with Maligent Melanoma. Two of the deadliest words in the English language (to me anyway). I felt the whole world was crumbling down on me...again...Since that's the type of cancer my mother died from, I have a deep seeded hatred for it. There's nothing worse than being told you've got cancer.

Currently, my uncle is trying to decide whether he'll seek chemo as a treatment. Unfortunately, he has Stage 3C, and there are no clinical trials of experimental treatments in his area. Chemo would be his only option there. He described it a grueling experience. 4 weeks of IV fed drugs pulsing through his system, then the other 48 weeks of the next year would involve taking an oral form of the medication each day. Wow. That just plain sucks and we both had a good laugh about the fact that he is indeed invincible and that this could really be his kryptonite.

As anyone would be, I think he's afraid that the chemo simply won't work. They have already given him a life-expectancy of about 5 years, and with a full-year of chemo, if he lives that long, they told him that they probably bought him a year. So, what's the trade off? Quality of life, or length? Or what if it does work and he lives to be 75? Only God knows really.

As we were talking, I added that my mother was probably constantly afraid, but she never showed it. NOT EVER. Instead, my mom would take laugh-out-loud books, dvds and comic strips with her to her to her many chemo treatment sessions. She literally would laugh while those horrendous drugs were being dripped into her tiny veins. I remember her telling me that life sucks, chemo sucks, but if we can laugh, it'll make it better. Laughter, is of course, the best medicine.

I took this to heart the other day. I really was feeling down on myself about a bunch of different situations. Feeling like I'm going no-where in my career, feeling like a terrible mother for having to work, feeling like I'm just not good enough to do ANYTHING. Plus, feeling very down about my uncle getting cancer, and feeling that somehow it was my fault. That's a terrible feeling. Life's little dark clouds were hanging over me. Then, out of no-where, I heard my mother say, "You just need to laugh."

I heard her. And I sought out some really funny things. My friend suggested another blog (which by the way is HI-LARIOUS) and a friend's Twitter account which the sole purpose is to say things to her 2 yr old (same age as Samantha--down to the month) but can't because they are totally inappropriate. Just laughing, made me feel better about myself. I've resolved to say that, my mother was right, laughter is indeed the best medicine. Dammit mom, you're right again.

Welcome back!

I haven't posted in a REALLY long time. Mostly because I'm lazy. Life continues to happen, but it's difficult to get on here and write when I've got about a million other things to do. This is my attempt to be better, since I miss writing. Wish me luck.

So...quick wrap up...

Sami talks, walks, runs, screams, throws tantrums, gives hugs, bargains for what she wants, and is generally smarter than I am. She is two-and-a-half now and we are in full swing of the "terrible twos". It's really not as bad as it probably could be, and I expect three to be much worse. However, I will say that despite all of her "bad behaviors" she is full of light and love. She's a very empathetic and compassionate child.

We added someone to our team this year! Rebecca Kenslyn was born in February, a full month early. She's very different from her sister. Namely, she's chubby and mellow. We like that. She is also looking like she will keep her blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. (Oh, did I mention that Sami's hair is super curly? We have no idea where that comes from). Generally, Becca is a very laid back baby. She doesn't cry much unless she's hungry--then it sounds like her stomach thinks her throat's been cut. Yes, it is that bad.

I feel like I should mention stuff about myself and Greg....um, we're still here? we survive each day? Pretty much. I would say for the most part, not much has changed with us. Maybe that we're a little older...

Greg's 10 year high school reunion is this year. YIKES! He is still playing as much softball as two kids will allow (2 nights a week, and usually 1 big tournament a month). He also got his Electrician Journeyman's License recently. HOORAY!!!!! He also still refs basketball in the winter and we seem to always have a sporting event to attend. Currently, we are planning is 30th birthday (in less than a year and a half) to be a trip to Vegas. Yep, I think that's about all that's new with him.

As for myself...I can't believe it's been almost 4 years since my mother's passing and my graduation from college. I miss my mom greatly, and wish there was so much more that I could've learned from her. College--now that I miss. Spending all my time learning instead of working, yep, sign me back up. Ok, so I love my life now. I just miss the carefree-ness of college. worrying about only myself was so much easier. But hey, it is a beautiful-crazy life I've got going here.

I recently returned to work from maternity leave, which is alright. It is nice to be around adult conversation and not have to change my outfit because I'm soaked head to foot in baby-puke. But it's REALLY hard to leave my babies. I loved being able to just cuddle with them in the morning and I also loved being able to just have my own schedule. Working has made me realize that I also need a creative outlet. SOMEHOW I've got to let out all that's inside me. I don't have much time for painting anymore, or reading anything other than kids books, so I'm going to try to make time to write. (AGAIN, this is my attempt in that). I still work for the bank, but I transferred branches last fall and am closer to home now. Which I love and I'm so thankful for. I work four days a week, and currently have Tuesday's off. I love my coworkers and think it's great that we all get along as well as we do most of the time. Yep, that sums up work.

Ok, I think that's going to do it for today. Sami just woke up.