Don't Judge A Butt By It's Cover

I hate snap judgements or knee-jerk reactions. Simply because you might have very little knowledge about something, doesn't make it ok to judge people for their choices. This is true for politics, religion and (what I've come to find out) cloth diapering.

I believe in being open minded. Now, before you freak out, there is way more to the story than those little words: CLOTH DIAPERS. I'll admit, when I had Samantha, I was pretty main-stream. I didn't have much of a philosophy on birth-plans or diapers. I knew I wanted to breast-feed, but unfortunately that lasted only a few weeks because of her "failure to thrive" (not gaining weight very steadily). Anyway, I didn't know there were options, and I was ok with that. Truly, I was. Until Sami got a nasty diaper rash. WORST. THING. EVER. I mean, NOTHING cleared it up. No creams, no oatmeal bath, no magic wand could clear up the rash. Sami was my "trial and error" baby. I tried and tried and tried. The only thing that cleared up that stupid rash was a type of cloth diaper. She got it right back when we put her in normal, name-brand, disposable diapers. But because of my reluctance to keep using cloth (everyone I knew was against it), I ended up using more expensive chlorine-free, dye-free, hella-expensive disposable diapers.

When I got pregnant again a friend of mine said that for her babies she would really like to do cloth diapers. I was like most people, "EWWW gross!" or "That must be soooo much work!" but instead of shutting it out completely I decided to do some serious research. Because of my sensitive-skin and my horrid experience with diapering Sami, I thought there HAD to be a solution. I talked to many of my mom friends. They told me it was easy. Then they started throwing out types of diapers they liked. There must be a million different types of cloth diapers. All-In-Ones, All-In-Twos, Flats, Fitteds, Pre-folds, Pockets. I mean really, there is a million types. The amount of information out there was sort of overwhelming, but the more I read, the easier it became to swallow that it was indeed do-able.

I made my first purchase very cautiously $100 for 16 All-In-One, excellent used condition cloth diapers, that I bought from a friend in a mommy group of mine. When I got them, I opened the box and did a little cheer. I really could do this! After that first purchase, I made a few more "necessity" purchases of soap and a wet-bag. For the first month of her life, Rebecca was in disposable. More out of needing to learn her schedule and thinking that these diapers might just be a little too big. Oh, and because I was nervous. What if they leaked? What if they are really not something I could handle? One Monday though, I decided, no more and put her in the cloth. GO ME!

I've never looked back! Instead, I made more cloth investments. I now have a "stash" of about 40 diapers (and I'm DAMN proud of it). Just ONE of my cloth diapers costs about $15, or is equal to 68 disposable diapers (at $.22/diaper). I've bought my diapers all at discounts, but have spent roughly $300 on them. With that in mind: suck up these facts. A child will go through 6000 diaper changes in the first two years of life. Instead of sending 6000 diapers to the trash, to sit in a landfill for the next 500 years, my 40 diapers can go from birth to potty training. Also, at $.22/diaper I'm saving myself $1300 (if I don't invest in any more cloth) over Rebecca's diapering years. YES $1300. Amazing?! I think so. Personally, the choice to use cloth was more about better for baby (no chemicals) and better for my wallet in the long run with the "better for the Earth" argument coming in as a bonus.

Do people judge me? ALL THE TIME. But here is the simple truth: she's my child, it's my money, and I do all the "work". My daycare provider even says, "It's so easy! They are just as easy as disposable! Maybe easier since there's less trash for me!" I love my "fluff" and not only has it been a great experience to learn about them, but it's also been a great lesson: don't judge a butt by it's cover.

Dammit Mom

Somedays, I admit, I feel that life just plain sucks. I think we all feel that way sometimes. No matter what we're going through, we each have struggles that make it hard to get up in the morning. I've had a lot of those days in my life.

Recently (like maybe 3 weeks ago?) my mother's brother, my Uncle Dave, was diagnosed with Maligent Melanoma. Two of the deadliest words in the English language (to me anyway). I felt the whole world was crumbling down on me...again...Since that's the type of cancer my mother died from, I have a deep seeded hatred for it. There's nothing worse than being told you've got cancer.

Currently, my uncle is trying to decide whether he'll seek chemo as a treatment. Unfortunately, he has Stage 3C, and there are no clinical trials of experimental treatments in his area. Chemo would be his only option there. He described it a grueling experience. 4 weeks of IV fed drugs pulsing through his system, then the other 48 weeks of the next year would involve taking an oral form of the medication each day. Wow. That just plain sucks and we both had a good laugh about the fact that he is indeed invincible and that this could really be his kryptonite.

As anyone would be, I think he's afraid that the chemo simply won't work. They have already given him a life-expectancy of about 5 years, and with a full-year of chemo, if he lives that long, they told him that they probably bought him a year. So, what's the trade off? Quality of life, or length? Or what if it does work and he lives to be 75? Only God knows really.

As we were talking, I added that my mother was probably constantly afraid, but she never showed it. NOT EVER. Instead, my mom would take laugh-out-loud books, dvds and comic strips with her to her to her many chemo treatment sessions. She literally would laugh while those horrendous drugs were being dripped into her tiny veins. I remember her telling me that life sucks, chemo sucks, but if we can laugh, it'll make it better. Laughter, is of course, the best medicine.

I took this to heart the other day. I really was feeling down on myself about a bunch of different situations. Feeling like I'm going no-where in my career, feeling like a terrible mother for having to work, feeling like I'm just not good enough to do ANYTHING. Plus, feeling very down about my uncle getting cancer, and feeling that somehow it was my fault. That's a terrible feeling. Life's little dark clouds were hanging over me. Then, out of no-where, I heard my mother say, "You just need to laugh."

I heard her. And I sought out some really funny things. My friend suggested another blog (which by the way is HI-LARIOUS) and a friend's Twitter account which the sole purpose is to say things to her 2 yr old (same age as Samantha--down to the month) but can't because they are totally inappropriate. Just laughing, made me feel better about myself. I've resolved to say that, my mother was right, laughter is indeed the best medicine. Dammit mom, you're right again.

Welcome back!

I haven't posted in a REALLY long time. Mostly because I'm lazy. Life continues to happen, but it's difficult to get on here and write when I've got about a million other things to do. This is my attempt to be better, since I miss writing. Wish me luck.

So...quick wrap up...

Sami talks, walks, runs, screams, throws tantrums, gives hugs, bargains for what she wants, and is generally smarter than I am. She is two-and-a-half now and we are in full swing of the "terrible twos". It's really not as bad as it probably could be, and I expect three to be much worse. However, I will say that despite all of her "bad behaviors" she is full of light and love. She's a very empathetic and compassionate child.

We added someone to our team this year! Rebecca Kenslyn was born in February, a full month early. She's very different from her sister. Namely, she's chubby and mellow. We like that. She is also looking like she will keep her blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. (Oh, did I mention that Sami's hair is super curly? We have no idea where that comes from). Generally, Becca is a very laid back baby. She doesn't cry much unless she's hungry--then it sounds like her stomach thinks her throat's been cut. Yes, it is that bad.

I feel like I should mention stuff about myself and Greg....um, we're still here? we survive each day? Pretty much. I would say for the most part, not much has changed with us. Maybe that we're a little older...

Greg's 10 year high school reunion is this year. YIKES! He is still playing as much softball as two kids will allow (2 nights a week, and usually 1 big tournament a month). He also got his Electrician Journeyman's License recently. HOORAY!!!!! He also still refs basketball in the winter and we seem to always have a sporting event to attend. Currently, we are planning is 30th birthday (in less than a year and a half) to be a trip to Vegas. Yep, I think that's about all that's new with him.

As for myself...I can't believe it's been almost 4 years since my mother's passing and my graduation from college. I miss my mom greatly, and wish there was so much more that I could've learned from her. College--now that I miss. Spending all my time learning instead of working, yep, sign me back up. Ok, so I love my life now. I just miss the carefree-ness of college. worrying about only myself was so much easier. But hey, it is a beautiful-crazy life I've got going here.

I recently returned to work from maternity leave, which is alright. It is nice to be around adult conversation and not have to change my outfit because I'm soaked head to foot in baby-puke. But it's REALLY hard to leave my babies. I loved being able to just cuddle with them in the morning and I also loved being able to just have my own schedule. Working has made me realize that I also need a creative outlet. SOMEHOW I've got to let out all that's inside me. I don't have much time for painting anymore, or reading anything other than kids books, so I'm going to try to make time to write. (AGAIN, this is my attempt in that). I still work for the bank, but I transferred branches last fall and am closer to home now. Which I love and I'm so thankful for. I work four days a week, and currently have Tuesday's off. I love my coworkers and think it's great that we all get along as well as we do most of the time. Yep, that sums up work.

Ok, I think that's going to do it for today. Sami just woke up.