A letter to those who wish to stay-at-home...

Someone recently asked me if I have a blog. Well, I started one two-children ago, and have zero time, so, kind of?!

I have found more and more lately that I wish to have my thoughts in more of a blog-like format, than just social media. While social media is great, it opens my page up for a crazy amount of criticism, and possibly puts my family in an awkward position. Here, at least, people can check things out for themselves and decide.

On that note, I wish to tell you about my experience with Sami's (age 7) school a couple weeks ago.

I have been aware that Sami's class would be performing a First Grade Musical, called "Magical Me" for some time. A note came home a week and a half ago, explaining the purpose of the musical, and giving costume suggestions. Here is a photo of the letter:

Now. I've removed the teacher's name and email for her privacy. But as you can see, there are PLENTY of amazing options for these children to draw inspiration from. Absolutely, all of these options are incredible opportunities for the aspirations of children. All, but the one that sounds, a little, well, off.

So, I sat a little bewildered. Do I really come off that way? No. Surely, not. Do other Stay-At-Home Moms come off that way? Well, I guess maybe to the inexperienced, sure. I gathered my thoughts, spoke with some friends, and formulated a letter. I'd like to share that here.  (Again, for her privacy, I'm leaving her name out of it.)

April 18, 2016

Dear Miss _________,

I am so excited to see this year’s First Grade musical, “Magical Me”! My daughter, Sami, has been singing joyfully around the house for some time, and I can’t wait to see her perform.

The reason I am writing, is that when I received your note home on Thursday, April 14, I was proud to read that the musical is actually about what these children want to choose as careers! I know that Samantha really wants to be a Zookeeper, and can’t wait to dress the part. I was looking through your list of costume ideas, however, and came across the title “Stay-At-Home Mom”, in which the costume suggestion surprised me a bit. It reads, “Stay-at-home mom: A robe, slippers and a coffee cup.”

As a woman who stays home, I personally call myself a “Superhero”. I realize that’s probably a bit far-fetched, but let me tell you why I won’t support a child dressing up in a robe, slippers, and carrying a coffee-cup.

The woman I envision you describing is a slob. Maybe one who barely gets herself out of bed. I know NO stay-at-home mother who doesn’t get out of bed. Infact, most of us are up long before the sun. Let me give you a glimpse into what my reality looks like.

I personally am up over an hour before my children so that I can read in peace, and enjoy a few minutes to myself. After my children are awake, I help five people get dressed, and make breakfast. During breakfast, I comb hair, sometimes braid it, and continually tell the kids to “keep eating” so that they aren’t late for school. After cleaning up the breakfast dishes, and I get two of my children ready to head out the door for their learning pleasure. I make sure they have snacks, tennis shoes, show-and-tell, and are dressed appropriately for the weather or activities. Once they are gone from my sight, I have at least two, often three, more children in my care; because I help out another family by watching their baby so that both parents can earn an income. I change poopy diapers, make bottles, soothe temper-tantrums, and wipe snotty-noses. I read books, sing songs, and help my children learn through play. This is all before lunch. Some days are different. Sometimes, we all get in the car, or walk, to the library and the park. Some mornings are spent outside, learning about bugs, and flowers and just getting our hands dirty. But I promise you this, I don’t wear a robe and slippers.

If my daughters want to “be like mommy” and become  stay-at-home moms, I would totally support that! I take a great deal of pride in what I do. That being said, my husband and I didn’t come across the decision for me to stay home lightly. I have a Bachelor’s Degree, and worked in a variety of jobs before ultimately making the choice to be at home. I know how hard it is to work outside the home, and leave my children, as I did that for the first four years of Sami’s life. There were grueling mornings of dropping her off at her daycare at 6:30am, while I drove to Basalt or Glenwood to work. There were nights we didn’t get home until after 7pm because I worked the late shift. Moms (and dads) do what we do because we love our children. It’s not a competition. It’s ALL hard work.

Unfortunately, your insinuation is an implied stereotype. That simply because some of us stay-home,  we are lazy and sloppy. I am neither. Nor is any stay-at-home parent I know. We are often running our children to and from school, and to multiple activities. We have busy schedules, and are often the school’s greatest ally and teachers’ biggest supporters. Many of us run the PTAC, volunteer for book fairs, and come-in to read with students at the school.

I hope that this letter shows you that the stereotype you are perpetuating is completely unrealistic.  By definition, stereotypes are a widely held, but fixed, and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. Often, these particular people are offended by the simplicity of which they are described. I don’t believe you meant this costume suggestion offensively, but the few moms I’ve showed this to, were completely caught off-guard. Many of them are not even stay-at-home moms. It takes all types of careers to make this world work. The person serving coffee is no less important than the doctor who it is being served to.  Everyone you meet deserves kindness and respect.

May I give a different costume suggestion? A stay-at-home parent (or, again, Superhero) most often wears comfortable pants, is pushing a stroller, or wearing a baby in a carrier (sometimes both), has a set of mini-van keys, is equipped with an iphone, and carries a beloved day-planner (chalk full of activities and plans). We are intelligent, incredibly-caring, and wonderful people. Just like you, the teacher in the classroom.

Sincerely,

Shelby Williams

With some encouragement from the Principal (yes, really), I decided to make this "public". I am, by no means, trying to tear down this teacher. I just wanted her to understand that you can't put "Stay-At-Home Moms" in a box. Many of us work from home. Many of us have incredibly busy schedules. And none, that I know, wear our robe and slippers all day. 

Lucky for me, my letter was incredibly well-received. I've heard from both the principal and the teacher, and we talked about choice words and stereotypes. We talked about how this particular teacher wants to be a stay-at-home mom some day, and I hope she gets that opportunity, because many people do not. I love what I do, and I'm proud of who I am. And for that, I am blessed, and grateful.

PS--This blog was published during nap time...shhhhhh.....

Sick Days

I wanted to start with, "Well, if there was one thing I've learned about being a mom," but there are oh so many things I've learned about being a mom, that this one thing doesn't seem to be the perfect ONE. Instead, I think I'll start by saying, it's tough to balance my "outiside" life with my "mom life".

Sami has been battling a fever for approximately 4 days. It would come, I'd give the usual Tylenol dosage, it would go. She wouldn't be her normal self, but instead this sort of shell of a kid with these really sad blue eyes that kept looking at me like, "Mom, I don't feel right." Last night was the last straw.

Bless his heart, Greg is usually the parent to get up with Sami. Not because I don't want to, but more because I end up getting up with Becca. Anyway, poor Greg was up, out of bed, about 4 times between midnight and 4 am, when Sami decided she just wouldn't go back to sleep. She would say things like, "I'm thirsty", "I'm hot", and once she complained that her ear hurt. Daddy, had had enough. He was super upset and exhausted himself, so she ended up crawling into bed with me (and Becca) when he got ready for work. At approximately 5:30am, she was lying on the couch whining about something. I sat down next to her, and pulled her close, as I did this, she screamed bloody-murder about her ear. I then decided we would go to the pediatrician today. I then made the call to my supervisor that I couldn't make it in.

This is where my "outside life" intersects with my "mom life". Now, I admit that I'd really like to do it all. Stay at home, work from home, clean, and care for my kids all the time. However, that's not possible at this moment. I have to work. Period. What's so hard is that I feel guilty for having to call into work and take the day off because my child is sick. Personally, I hardly ever get sick. My kids however, get sick. I know that in my head, but it's still hard to have to call into my job and say that I can't come in because my child is sick. I don't know why I feel guilty, but I do. Maybe it's because I want to be Superwoman and have the ability to do it all?

Why is it that as mothers we are expected to do it all? And why do I feel guilty that I can't?! Sami will be ok. She is on some antibiotics for her ear infection, and will be feeling back to her sassy self tomorrow.

According to Sami Sue..

Roughly once every couple weeks Greg and I will decide that we are both exhausted and flip a coin as to who is going to go get something for dinner. Okay, that's a lie, Greg normally goes...Anyway, tonight was one of those nights. Sami frequently has to go with him. I'm not sure why, maybe she thinks he'll run away to Mexico if she doesn't ensure his return. If I could run away to Mexico, I would too. Just saying. Car rides are a great time, simply because Sami comes up with some of her best quotes in the car. Tonight, they went to KFC (what, like you never eat fast food? give me a break.). They were sitting at the window, and our KFC is notorious for the long wait for food (we're quite sure they have to kill the chicken out back before they can grill it for us.). Sami says to her daddy, "They sure are taking a long time to get us our food!" Classic Sami.

A few minutes later...
On the ride home (after they had secured my chicken in the front seat), Greg saw some deer in a field, and pointed them out to her. "Where do the deer live?"
"Um, they live all over."
"But WHERE Dad."
"Um, in the woods?!"
"Oh, down there, in the trees!" There are some trees near the river. This is of course, the woods.

A little later, back at home...
Our half the duplex is, admittedly, awkwardly set up. The girls' bedroom is in the very far back, you have to pass our bedroom and the bathroom to get to it. They are adjacent from each other and you have to pass through a hallway. Tonight while Sami was brushing her teeth, Greg put Becca down in her crib in our room. (Don't judge me. At 1:30am then again at 3:30 am, I have to wake up to feed the chubby baby. Yes. Really.) Becca fussed a bit, and hollered a bit. Sami says, "Gosh she's loud. Dad, maybe Becca wants a Binky or something."

Yep. These are indeed quotes from my 2 year old. She also told her baby doll yesterday, "You are not listening to me. You sit in time out." Then explained to me that her baby was mad at her, and that it was not good behavior, and therefore the poor baby still had to sit in time out. She also will yell at Becca if she cries, "Becca! Stop crying! You're making me cry!" Then will proceed to squeak out a couple tears and get herself to choke up. If that doesn't work, she just sings "Itsy Bitsy Spider" about 5 (it seems more like 500) times and Becca will reluctantly stop crying.

She's a smart cookie, I tell you. And, I love her sayings. They make me laugh.

um, September, where did you go?

Changing jobs has really thrown me through a loop. I'm pretty sure I missed September entirely.

At this point Sami is climbing towards 3 at a rapid pace, although I'm not sure she'll make it being that she's pretty trying right now. She is incredibly bright, and I'm worried that she'll outwit me every day (she does already pretty frequently). Her current interests include but are not limited to: Asking to drive the car, telling me "no" without fear of consequences, and trying to hold/boss around her baby sister. These are just the things she did this morning.

She loves to sing. Infact, she'll sing everything. Her current favorite that she's trying to learn is "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Apparently striking out is the best part of that song. And the Cracker Jacks. She also really likes "Old McDonald", and thinks it's hilarious to make Old McDonald have a donkey, so I'll try to sound like a donkey. Yep. That's my kid. And what's more, she'll make you sing things over, and over, and over, until you decide that's enough, and switch the song. Which she'll make you repeat again and again. She's bossy, demanding, bright and independent. Hmm...I wonder where she gets all that from?

Becca is not crawling. She's mobile by rolling all over the place, but she's not crawling. Which is fine by me, but she would like to crawl. I can see in her eyes that she would really like to launch herself from the sitting position into the hands and knees crawling position, so that she can chase after he sister, but, as of yet, hasn't done it. She also weighs about 19lbs, and I'm guessing it takes a lot of strength to get that that much weight off the ground and moving. And when she does get moving, I really think Sami will be in more trouble than me, for the simple fact that her sister will want to sit on her.

She's very smiley. Her laughter is infectious, although she doesn't laugh very often. When she finds something funny, it's pretty cute though. So far, we can tell that she thinks beating up daddy is pretty funny. Twice, she's cracked up laughing when pretending to "hit" daddy with her fist. Yesterday, she laughed when daddy had Sami's stuffed Barney hit him in the face. This, of course, is very funny to me.

Both girls really like sports. Sami is very into watching her cousins play volleyball. She told daddy once, "Get out of the way, I'm watching the ball". Which, of course, bodes well for my dreams of an athletic scholarship at a big name college so that I'm not in debt for the rest of my life so that my kid can get a decent education. Speaking of that, we've recently found that Sami is a big Oregon Ducks fan. No, I'm serious. It's a "tradition" in my house to watch College Game Day on ESPN, and she REALLY likes the Ducks. I know you think that can't be possible, like she wouldn't be able to tell different teams apart, but she loves the mascot, the uniforms, and their colors. Plus, she picks them to win over any other animal mascot (including my Rams. Great for her, sad for me). She likes Ducks.

Becca likes baseball. I'm not sure why, but she really does. Or seems to. I don't know if any of you know this, but when Sami was a baby she really liked to "watch" basketball on TV (or in the gym) She would be fussy and I'd turn on a basketball game, and she'd calm down (she went to her first basketball game at 8 days old). To this day, her favorite sport to watch is basketball. This is how Becca is with baseball or when her daddy plays softball. It's odd, but true. My girls love sports.

As much as she loves sports, she's still pretty girly though. Right now, she's doing her daddy's hair and making him "pretty". I don't know if he'll ever admit it, but Greg's a total princess. He's glad he had girls, I can tell. Until next time...ciao.

Opening a New Chapter

Well, I guess sometimes you don't have to have a huge topic to talk about to write an entry. There's probably much to discuss about the kids, but time goes so fast, I hardly remember what happened five minutes ago, let alone all the quirky and funny things that go on from day-to-day.

So, what's new?! Lots. I'm sure there's lots. But newest for my life is that I've decided to change careers! Yes. It's true. I'll no longer be working for Alpine Bank. Although, I do love the company, believe in them whole-heartidly, I've decided I'm not cut out to be a banker forever. Sad. I know. Friday, the 2nd of September, will be my last day. So, if you're that devastated that I will no longer be taking the everyday transactions and opening accounts, you should come see me before then.

On to different things! I will start with All Kids Dental on September 06. I'm switching careers to become a Dental Assistant. This is an amazing opportunity for me for so many reasons. I'll be working with children; it's something that interests me; the days I'll be working are different so that I can be with my family more. It's just an all around amazing thing. Total answer to my prayers. I'm very grateful for the whole thing happening this way. I'm definitely nervous. There is a lot I don't know. Ok, so I don't know anything about dental assisting. But, I'm willing and eager to learn.

So, don't cry for me Alpine Bank-a. I'll always love you. And I'm thankful for what you've done for me. But, it's time to close that chapter and open an exciting new one!

As always, thanks for reading. I'll try to tell a funny story about the kids next time. Until then, ciao.

I Am

In the effort of continuing to write more often, I am back to write about who I really am...or portions of me anyway...

I am...married.
Yes, I'm sure that's quite the shocker, but it's true. Married. Which, lately, is an emotional roller-coaster. Right now, we are on the not-so-fun side of this roller-coaster. So, to me, that means that I found someone who is the calm to my complete chaos. He lets me babble about all sorts of junk--like what book I'm currently reading or what type of recipe I'd like to try if I ever got on Chopped. Marriage is more than that though. It also means commitment. Committing to be there for the person you chose. Committing to not chase after others, even when it is tempting and thrilling.

I am a mother...and motherless
You all know this about me. But what's hardest about being a mom, to me, is being a mom without my mom. I have amazing women in my life who really help me out when I need that mother figure. No doubt. But, forgive me, some days, I just need my momma. I want to hug her neck and tell her how crazy the past four years have been since she left. I'm sure she knows this though, and I firmly believe she frequents my house. I know she knows my children. I just wish they could know her. That poses a challenge for me.

I am...not fearless.
As a mom I get to play Super Woman all day long. Making it seem like I have no fears. I'll tell my girls this someday, but, I am NOT fearless. I pray every day that when I get into my car, I make it home safely. I pray that my kids stay healthy and happy. I have major fears. Mostly that I'll have to fend off some evil monster in the closet, or worse yet, that my mistakes will cost me my children. Another fear: snakes. I hate snakes.

I am...open-minded.
Some might call this "liberal". I'd agree for the most part. Personally, I just like to say that I'm open to all things. Well, most things. Maybe not sky diving. Or snakes. But really, I'm open to change. I'll even change my mind if you can prove to me a better solution. I like that about myself. I think that's one of my best features. Being open-minded means I'm good with most solutions. I'm less open-minded if you shove things down my throat. But all-in-all, I like to shed my skin and move on. Change can be, and usually is, good. Just have to be open to it.

PrompTuesday

So...since it's been, I don't know, AGES, since I've written, a good friend of mine suggested that I take a PrompTuesday from sandiegomomma.com and do it. It will be cathartic and maybe remove my writer's block.


Here's the prompt I chose...and READY, SET, GO!


I want to know about your songs. What brings you back to a pivotal moment? Or an everyday moment you’ll remember forever? Tell me a drop of your life as crystallized by a Top 40 hit, a Broadway number, a dirge.


My mom was a music officianado. She was always disappointed in my lack of music appreciation. I sort of like to think I'm well-rounded in the musical-ness of my life. I listen to about anything and everything. Of course, when I was a teenager, I listened to it LOUDLY in my bedroom, on my awe-some boombox. She tried to really influence me by tossing in "her type" of music when we'd clean the house, especially when I'd do the dishes with her.


The song that takes me back to my kitchen is Tears For Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." Yes. It's VERY '80s. It also is VERY my life. My mom and I would do the dishes together and typically sing at the top of our lungs, badly at that. All while my younger brother hid in shame, and my step-dad would have nothing to do with us. One evening while she was trying to change my opinion of music, she threw in her Tears For Fears cd. I actually like Tears for Fears a great deal. We were rocking out, and wearing our oh-so-stylish yellow, elbow-length gloves, when she grabbed a wooden spoon and started dancing. Not being one to let her act a fool all by herself I joined in. I only wish someone would've been there to video it and put it on You Tube. Yep, we were THAT good.

This is one of my absolute favorite memories of my mom. In that three and a half minutes she was not a cancer patient. She didn't have a terminal diagnosis. She was just a mom. A mom enjoying a moment with her 21 year old daughter. Singing and dancing was her way of telling me I'd be ok. It was entirely blissful. The song still graces my iTunes library, and I have put it on any memorable mix of tunes since before she passed in 2007.

Recently I've been playing tunes for my daughters. I think Mom would be pretty thrilled with my not-so-average music choices. Of course there is Raffy (who I listened to frequently as a young child, thanks again, MOM), but I also throw on some more unusual things. I like to embarass my daughter by dancing around to artists like Michael Jackson, Arethra Franklin, Todd Rundgren, Stevie Wonder, and of course Tears for Fears. Sami frequently looks at me like I've gone completely bananas, but she usually decides to not let me act a fool all by myself, and joins in. She is after all, her Grandma's girl.