Dammit Mom

Somedays, I admit, I feel that life just plain sucks. I think we all feel that way sometimes. No matter what we're going through, we each have struggles that make it hard to get up in the morning. I've had a lot of those days in my life.

Recently (like maybe 3 weeks ago?) my mother's brother, my Uncle Dave, was diagnosed with Maligent Melanoma. Two of the deadliest words in the English language (to me anyway). I felt the whole world was crumbling down on me...again...Since that's the type of cancer my mother died from, I have a deep seeded hatred for it. There's nothing worse than being told you've got cancer.

Currently, my uncle is trying to decide whether he'll seek chemo as a treatment. Unfortunately, he has Stage 3C, and there are no clinical trials of experimental treatments in his area. Chemo would be his only option there. He described it a grueling experience. 4 weeks of IV fed drugs pulsing through his system, then the other 48 weeks of the next year would involve taking an oral form of the medication each day. Wow. That just plain sucks and we both had a good laugh about the fact that he is indeed invincible and that this could really be his kryptonite.

As anyone would be, I think he's afraid that the chemo simply won't work. They have already given him a life-expectancy of about 5 years, and with a full-year of chemo, if he lives that long, they told him that they probably bought him a year. So, what's the trade off? Quality of life, or length? Or what if it does work and he lives to be 75? Only God knows really.

As we were talking, I added that my mother was probably constantly afraid, but she never showed it. NOT EVER. Instead, my mom would take laugh-out-loud books, dvds and comic strips with her to her to her many chemo treatment sessions. She literally would laugh while those horrendous drugs were being dripped into her tiny veins. I remember her telling me that life sucks, chemo sucks, but if we can laugh, it'll make it better. Laughter, is of course, the best medicine.

I took this to heart the other day. I really was feeling down on myself about a bunch of different situations. Feeling like I'm going no-where in my career, feeling like a terrible mother for having to work, feeling like I'm just not good enough to do ANYTHING. Plus, feeling very down about my uncle getting cancer, and feeling that somehow it was my fault. That's a terrible feeling. Life's little dark clouds were hanging over me. Then, out of no-where, I heard my mother say, "You just need to laugh."

I heard her. And I sought out some really funny things. My friend suggested another blog (which by the way is HI-LARIOUS) and a friend's Twitter account which the sole purpose is to say things to her 2 yr old (same age as Samantha--down to the month) but can't because they are totally inappropriate. Just laughing, made me feel better about myself. I've resolved to say that, my mother was right, laughter is indeed the best medicine. Dammit mom, you're right again.